From The Diary Of A Fighter : 10 Tips To Sail Through Infertility

Fighting infertility and yet choosing to be happy

“You’re naturally strong.”

“ You built a company after suffering from infertility. I don’t have that strength.”

I have often heard such sentences from women who are trying to conceive. But today I would like to tell all of you, I was not like this always. Time has changed me and today I am happy because I have accepted the change.

My struggle with infertility is an interesting mix of sorrow, joy, pain, deceit, anguish, frustration, hate, hopes, and misunderstandings. Well, innumerable shades of emotions. I experimented with my infertile life, sometimes good, sometimes messy but it was fun throughout.

“I will not say I wasn’t unhappy, in fact, I was suicidal depressed but each time I rose up and punched back.”

I loved the way life was taken aback by surprise, not expecting I will punch it harder. And so for every lady out there who’s fighting with infertility, trying to get pregnant, putting up a brave face in front of IVF failures, here’s a list of tips that will come handy in all difficult times.

But first comes the question, “ What motivated me to fight back and win?” One day, I was really low and confused. I was speaking to my dad and telling him about my dilemmas and apprehensions when my dad listened quietly and then he said,

10 Tips to Thrive on Your Infertility Journey: Insights from a Fighter

 “You Be The Man”.

I was taken aback by this expression, Be the Man.

I soon realized what he was trying to say. He wanted me to take charge and make my own decisions without depending on anyone. He wanted me to understand the fact that all these decisions will directly impact my body, my physical and mental health more than anyone else. So, I shouldn’t simply leave all these decisions in anyone else’s hands.

That day,  he taught me an important lesson on being strong. It is important that you not only take decisions but also bear the responsibility of the outcome, both good and bad.

Must Read: Journey towards Baby Steps : IVF Success Story

Today, I wish to share this important lesson with all the warrior women who are fighting infertility.  After my 10 year-long journey against infertility, here’s a list of tips that will get you through every difficult decision.

1. Trust Yourself

There will be so many choices, so many devices, and so many decisions to take on this path of the infertility journey. Simply, trust yourself. It is, at the end of the day your body that takes the brunt of it. You decide even if it goes wrong once, it’s ok. Try again, now with more faith and more clarity.

2. Look For Logic

Don’t stray away to astrologers and black magicians. Stay focussed and take one step at a time. Think and look for logic. Even take doctor’s advice with a pinch of salt. And, don’t feel guilty of changing doctors if you are not satisfied with the current one. I can say from my personal experience, you can find a lot of amazing doctors out there. All you have to do is look carefully and search in the right way. Finding the right doctor is an art. I might have changed no less than 10 doctors during my journey. And that’s why I came up with the idea of Fertility Dost, a platform that guides you to find trustworthy doctors, guidance from experts, and customized solutions to different fertility-related issues.

3. Don’t Blame Others 

Stop blaming others, especially your spouse or in-laws for infertility issues. This is where the seeds of marital discords are sown. They may have made some mistakes or been insensitive to you and your infertility problem. I agree. But then don’t blame and hate them so much that you become bitter. It will affect your mental strength. It is best to find a solution to a problem and not just keep cribbing about it. For example, if you really have a bad set of in-laws who won’t understand then find a way to avoid them, stay away from all types of negativity.

4. Be Strong

Needless to emphasize on this one. You simply can’t win the battle of infertility without being mentally and emotionally strong. If you are not then be patient and soon the time will make you stronger.

5. Make Decisions And Also The Responsibility Of Outcome

Most of the time we leave difficult decisions for the husband to take and later blame the poor soul for taking it! Well, it’s high time that you start making decisions and also the responsibility of their outcome.

6. Think Practically

Avoid getting over-emotional. Try, at least try to control your mood swings. Become a detective and consider your medical complication as a case you must solve to find the real culprit. Now look for misses, look for clues, look for a pattern, and soon you will clear out all the medical mumbo-jumbo and get closer to your dream of motherhood.

7. Steer Out Of Depression 

It is absolutely normal to fall in the vicious cycle of depression but then coming out of it is also in your hand. Now some of you might be thinking that you have tried but it seems out of control. In that case, it’s best to consult an expert. Some people might advise you against it, stating that it’s a waste of money. But that’s just another taboo. Emotional wellness and mental health are equally important as yoga, nutrition, and ayurveda. Never stop trying, and never give up.

8. Stay Conscious

Know the limit of your body and mind. Don’t overexert yourself. When I was advised TB treatment even though the test results showed negative, I knew it was just not right for me. Obviously there were side effects and TB medication is very tough to digest. It simply kills your digestive system. At the doctor’s insistence, I took the medicine for a week and then just couldn’t convince my mind to go ahead. I left it. And, I am glad that I did. I didn’t want a baby to come to a sick and depressed mom. I would rather not have a baby. Those were my thoughts.

9. Know When To Say No 

This is extremely important which most of us ignore and realize only very late when we have tortured our bodies.

“There is a lady who went for 3 IVF, all failed, and soon after decided to go for adoption. Now, she is happy with 2 adopted girls. And, then there is a lady who gives birth at 72. You choose who you want to be.”

10. Keep An Open Mind

Don’t close your mind. Be open to experiments, new ideas, and alternative treatments. It does help in most cases. In my case, alternative treatments like acupuncture and naturopathy helped a lot to bring back my sanity and composure. It helped me prepare my body. However, you can never undermine the role of allopathic treatment especially if it is a case of primary and secondary infertility.

The infertility journey needs a lot of strength and patience. See, the bright side of it – You will emerge out of it stronger and a better person. And whenever you need support, we’ve got your back. Whether it’s Ayurveda, emotional wellness, nutrition, yoga, figuring out the right doctor, Fertility Dost has got it all sorted for you.

About The Author

Gitanjali Banerjee is the founder of Fertility Dost. After struggling with infertility for 10 years she decided that a platform should be created to reach out to every woman who’s suffering in silence. She believes that if she can support even a few women, and bring a little change, then her life has been worth living.