From Counsellor’s Diary – Story of No Heartbeat

6 weeks 6 days, no cardiac activity. No heartbeat

She was frantic. It was a precious pregnancy. She had conceived after much struggle and ‘no heart beat’ of the baby was completely tearing her up. She wanted to know what to do, a ray of hope. She came across Fertility Dost; her gut feeling urged her to give a call to us immediately.

When you receive a call around 9am on Sundays, it is natural to get annoyed.
But unknown number, somewhat jittery caller and non-official timings of the call were enough for me to sense that the situation was tense.

The lady introduced herself as Sangeeta Narang (name changed) mother of Varsha Bhatia(name changed) whose Beta HCG levels were on rise with every passing week but ultrasound was unable to trace the heartbeat.

6 weeks and still counting.

So, this is what had happened:

Varsha, the daughter of Sangeeta ji was 6 weeks pregnant finally through her 3rd IVF cycle but with no heartbeat scare, Varsha was at the edge. She had been through a long struggle with infertility over the past years. She couldn’t afford to let it go, this time.

The problem was that Sangeeta ji wasn’t letting me communicate with her daughter directly however much I convinced. Varsha was in such pain and anxiety that she wasn’t ready to speak. Also auntyji was overprotective. It was natural for her to not trust anyone at this stage and precious pregnancy.

For me this was a big challenge as I had to actually counsel Varsha but through her mother. This unique kind of third party assistance was complicated. But, I couldn’t just let her be like this. I had to reach out to Varsha, chaihe jaisey bhi ho!

Then began a series of forwarding message game- I would message auntyji and she would forward the message to Varsha and then Varsha would answer her mom and then auntyji would forward her message to me. It was getting on my nerves but as a counsellor, this was my real test.

I tried to console her but my own words sounded hollow to me. Doubts were hovering in my own mind too. What if that small dot of doubt becomes reality?

But somehow I was able to put her on ease with my countless sympathetic sentences, small anxiety management tasks and regular follow-ups.

Then came THE CALL, I was waiting for. Auntyji was happy and full of aashirwad for me as the baby was kicking and happy. I felt as if I had received a Bharat Ratana with all shutter bugs capturing my pride. It was my victory which I had snatched from the deserving doctor and her team.

Then came another speed breaker in this journey with auntyji’s message that they want to change the doctor. It wasn’t a good thing to change doctor at this crucial juncture. It is understandable that they were upset with the doctor because of the complete heartbeat mismanagement but still doctor too have limited option at this phase. I tried hard to convince her against changing doctor.

One evening I called auntyji and told her firmly that I want to talk to Varsha otherwise I won’t be able to help them.

Don’t know what happened, maybe that day my tea was a bit strong and so was my voice but I received a call from Varsha.

I talked, talked and talked and then finally she said, “thank you Purnima for your advice. We will continue with our present doctor.” 

Finally I crossed the barrier.

I became possessive for this particular good news. The days were becoming shorter and so was our wait.

Hi Varsha, how are you doing?
Hi Varsha, hope you are fine?
Hi Varsha, how are you feeling?

And then finally,

Hi Purnima, I am blessed with a baby girl.

Phew! I won the race and touched the finishing point.
This simple message makes me believe in myself.

We all begin our journey with enthusiasm but somewhere in between we start doubting our destiny and that is when we need a DOST

Purnima Sood

Community Manager, Fertility Dost

Life Coach and Certified Adoption Councellor

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