Roja – The Girl Next Door Who Fought Infertility

I didn’t even know the word ‘Infertility’, or what IVF, IUI or ICSI was! My life has been simple, and so the definition of having a baby was also as simple as trying for 2 -3 months and then easily get pregnant for 9 months. That’s how everyone gets pregnant right!

But who knew that, ordinary life of this girl next door was about to have an extra ordinary parenthood story!

 – ‘The story of infertility to parenthood!’

The Small-Town Girl

Image courtesy – Wikipedia

Hi, I am Roja. I hail from a small city of Shivakasi, in the Indian state of Tamil Nadu. Basically, I am shy, reserve and a family-oriented person. To me, family always comes first, and, that didn’t change even after I got married. So, when my family wanted me to get married, even though I wanted to study further, still I gave in for their happiness.

I was 22 and my husband – Arjun was 25, when we got married in an arranged marriage set up after we were introduced to each other by our families. Arjun is an entrepreneur and also have similar personality attributes like me. Together we lived in a joint family.

Everything was going well. I was enjoying my life, we were travelling a lot and exploring ourselves. After a year of togetherness, we decided to plan for a baby. But then, suddenly one day Arjun felt he is not having erection during intercourse. We were shocked as well as confused. But didn’t bother to visit any specialist, thinking it might be due to some stress or unhealthy lifestyle. It was only when we were not able to conceive for a year, is when we decided to visit an andrologist.

Being The Dotting Wife & Daughter-in-Law

Erectile dysfunction – a condition of Male infertility, was new to us. I could already feel that it affected Arjun’s ego big time. Considering the sensitivity of the situation, I decided to take the blame on me and hence, informed my in-laws, ‘It is because of me that we are not able to conceive!

This new ego issue of Arjun made it difficult to visit doctor. And on the other hand, the family pressure kept building. We had now completed 2 years of marriage and my desire to have a baby was growing deeper. So, I persuaded Arjun and finally, he gave in!

Psychological Issue

Surprisingly, on visiting the andrologist and doing all the required examination, the doctor informed that,

Everything is NORMAL. It is purely Arjun’s PSYCHOLOCIAL ISSUE!

Despite this, Arjun wasn’t convinced and still doubted himself for having erectile dysfunction. To cheer him up, I asked him to plan a vacation, to try new things and somehow make our sexual life as exciting as it was. But nothing pleased him. Gradually, he became more reserve, moody and self-centered. Basically, his ego clouded his mind.

He transitioned from less talkative to mostly mum. And moved away from me physically & emotionally. It was traumatic!

The Start Of Infertility Treatments

Despite all the ups & downs in my marital life, I didn’t give up on my motherhood dream. I consulted my gynecologist for a solution and she suggested me an IUI Treatment. I felt now things will fall in place and finally we can become parents. Let’s do it!

We are now on our 3^rd year of marriage. That year in June, I had my first follicle study and it was normal. In July, we did first IUI without induction as I was ovulating normally. To my surprise it failed!

So, in August we tried with induction. It failed again!

My doctor suggested that we do HSG or Hysterosalpingogram test to rule out any other possibility of infertility. We did that too. The reports were normal. So, in September, Doctor suggested us to do one more IUI with induction. By this time, I was drained as HSG was painful. And back-to-back 2 failed IUI procedures made me physically and emotionally weak. I wasn’t ready to face any more failures.

I needed break!

The Judgmental Eyes

All this while, I didn’t tell my own family and my in-laws about the actual reason for not able to conceive, only to not make my husband feel more uncomfortable or disgusted. To be honest, I literally had no energy left to speak on Arjun’s behalf, explaining erectile dysfunction to anyone or everyone – if ever the truth was out.

Though my family was supportive on knowing about our fertility treatments, but my in-laws started doubting my femininity. Sarcastic, insensitive comments became part of the daily routine. As they were aware of the failed IUI treatments, it further elevated their hatred for me along with the harsh blame game.

In Laws concluded – “My son has no problem, ROJA IS A PROBLEM as she cannot conceive.”

On surface, I paid no heed to their comments but deep inside it made my heart bleed.

Back To Fertility Treatments

And even though I desperately wanted to, yet I didn’t give it back to them, because my only focus was to see those two pink lines and hold my baby. As a result, I held my fists tighter and ignored.

After 2 months, in November I again tried IUI with induction. That also failed. My doctor suspected TB. We did the test. It was normal.

What more am I supposed to do now?

The Sister Bond

We entered 4^th year of our marriage with weak fragile relationship. No happiness. No social life. No child.

One day, my elder sister – Renu, who is also an ayurveda doctor – confronted me. She said, ‘Our mother & I had normal pregnancy. So, I doubt you have infertility issues’.

Having said that, she stared at me for good 10 secs, waiting for me to confess as if she already knows the truth.

Her eyes, made me nervous but I looked away and changed the topic.

She took a deep breath and didn’t investigate further.

Phew!!! I had a sign of relief.

Being a caring sister, she suggested me an ayurveda gynecologist. I didn’t mind visiting a new doctor. I was habituated by now.

As usual, Arjun was reluctant but eventually showed up at clinic.

It was already summer time. In march we visited the Ayurveda gynecologist Doctor. He was really good. The Doctor patiently heard us, saw all our reports and did few examinations.

He concluded – We both are normal. Advised us to try for natural conception and STOP all fertility treatments.

The Holistic Cure Management

Within 2 months, I could feel positive changes with ayurvedic medicines. My period cycles became normal. It was less painful. Though, Arjun was still in denial but continued with medicines. In between he also joined gym. We took good care of our bodies.

After 4 months in July again, we did IUI with induction. It failed. I couldn’t believe it as this time we were optimistic that it would not fail because we really took good care of our health. From eating right, to exercise, to medicines and what not. Still, it failed? I was shattered!

I Am Not Infertile – The Truth Was Out

With 4 failed IUI

Bad marital phase

No emotional support from family

In-laws’ nonstop accusations

Society’s judgmental eyes

No Career

No Child

I WAS SINKING EACH DAY.

My parents couldn’t see me suffer like this and one day they confronted me. I broke down. Finally, I told the truth. My parents were shocked and numb.

At my in-laws’ home, situation remains worse. My bond with Arjun was badly getting affected due to my mother – in law’s constant negative remarks. I and Arjun, both were mentally disturbed as we didn’t know what to do, whom to share, how to deal, how to explain, how to become parents?

There were days and weeks we didn’t talk to each other. Yet we wanted to make our relationship work and have a baby together.

The Girl Next Door’s Bold Decision

I was fed up of all toxic people around me. The obedient daughter-in-law & wife inside me, was done with all the drama. For the first time, I prioritized my inner calling – My Mental Peace.

I decided to move out of joint family.

Arjun agreed & joined me.

Under Lockdown I Unlocked A True Friendship

We moved out. Health was at its best. Our relationship was improving. And just when life was getting back to normal…Corona goofed up everything.

Our fertility treatment stopped. I was getting anxious day by day and so, one afternoon, I googled “Infertility Support Group India” and found

Fertility Dost!

I still remember. I was glued to their website www.fertilitydost.com  The articles, blogs, videos…everything felt so connected. Their Fertility Coach Program had everything that I ever heard to help boost fertility health holistically. Immediately I called on their helpline number – 9971327422 and got connected with their team. Trust me when I say, I found a real friend in Fertility Dost. Things that I never discussed with anyone; I was discussing comfortably with them. Atlas, I found someone who can understand me and my situation so well.

Fertility Dost Support – A Blessing

By the end of that year, I enrolled in Fertility Yoga. I met such amazing people in Fertility Dost. The whole team, the positive vibe of that group, the women from all over the world, everything…just everything about that group was so inspiring and motivating. I am glad I enrolled in their coach programs and got to join that premium group. I met women in the premium group who had much more severe problem then mine. I felt empathetic to all. The missing positivity and motivation to keep going, came back in my life. I was slowly healing from all the physical, emotional and societal traumas.

Now, I wasn’t alone. I found strong support in Fertility Dost Community

Later, I also got enrolled in Fertility Counselling. Not just our relationship but they even counselled us to face fertility treatments more positively and strongly. Arjun and I, both could clearly see the positive changes in ourselves from the time we got connected with Fertility Dost.

For the first time in 5 years after my marriage. I felt better physically and emotionally.

Wait, I Didn’t check my AMH till now!

I was now 28. Never a doctor asked me to check my AMH Levels. Fertility Dost team suggested me to get it checked.

Surprisingly, it was only 0.9!

Then one day, my periods were off by a week. I did a home pregnancy test. It was weakly positive. Ahh..I conceived! I was on cloud 9. But then 2 days later, I got my periods. Chemical Pregnancy it was! With no emotions left to even grieve, I looked at Arjun. He was standing strong and soothed me with his warm hug. This failure made me realized, how mature and strong we both have grown together in these years…

What! Are You Serious?

After continuous ayurveda medicines and Fertility Yoga for 8 months, my health was at its peak. Hence, Fertility Team suggested to opt for IVF. They suggested me the top & best Fertility Doctors in and around my city. Arjun & I began our research and was almost about to finalize a doctor, that I missed my periods again. This time, we didn’t want to get over joyed, so did no pregnancy test at home. Only when I missed my periods by 45 days, we visited our doctor. Doctor was doing the routine blood test to check pregnancy, while Arjun was busy making notes for IVF procedures. On the other hand, I was loosely doing mental calculation for IVF cost. Suddenly, I heard –

YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!

“Gosh, I forgot my calculated cost for IVF” – I said to myself.

“Wait, what did you just say?” – Asked Arjun to Doctor.

“You are Pregnant, Congratulations” – said Doctor smilingly.

More than happy, we were shocked and still not able to believe that we are expecting our CHILD!!! And that too via NATURAL CONCEPTION!

We were so much prepared for IVF treatment in our head that, natural conception seemed alien to us after going through 6 years of infertility.

Also watch – This Is How You Choose The Best IVF Doctor

I had no morning sickness, no food cravings, NOTHING!

The brutal fact is, we were mentally prepared, that if by any chance, the child fails to have heartbeat after 60 days of pregnancy. It will be still Okay!

By God’s Grace, we heard the heartbeat of our child. Pregnancy was declared as healthy. That sound of heartbeat made me believe in miracles. That day, we celebrated our pregnancy for the first time! We cried & laughed together.

Nothing comes without extra drama in my life. Obviously, my pregnancy had to have a twist and I got covid in between my pregnancy. Fortunately, the oxygen levels didn’t drop. The credit goes to my persistent efforts towards maintaining good health.  Fertility yoga, pranayama and meditation sessions helped me fight covid. I and my child were healthy. Thanks to Fertility Dost for their continuous support throughout my pregnancy.

Happy Ending

I am blessed with a baby girl. We named her – Arti. She is notorious and looks like her dad. My relationship with my in-laws improved and my family never questioned Arjun about his psychological infertility issues.

Today I talk openly about infertility issues and educate others about not losing parenthood hope. Timely diagnosis and treatment will help you achieve parenthood dream faster. Infertility journey is brutal but also makes you wise. Infertility to parenthood journey was my training to become an awesome parent. I am much more mature, wiser, patience, observant and daring as a parent, which otherwise I would not have been.

Arjun’s Confession

Yes, I had ego issues. I confessed this to my dear wife – Roja, when she got pregnant. Actually, prior to this infertility issue, my life was perfect. I had amazing friends, supportive family and a successful business. So, when I thought I had erectile dysfunction, my confidence crashed and I went into a shell. Thanks to my reserve nature, I never discussed what I was going through with anyone and all my frustration came out on my relationship.

My marriage constantly reminded me of my insecurities hence, even though I loved Roja, facing her each day was tough. Our infertility to parenthood journey could have been a little easier on us, if I didn’t had messed up ego. Nevertheless, today we are parents. And this fills my heart with love, pride and happiness. I will never let anything affect me and my family in any way.

To every brother out there suffering from male infertility, take it easy upon you. If it is getting difficult for you, it is equally difficult for your wife. Its time for both of you to sit and talk about it. Don’t stop going out for movies, romantic dates, family functions and friends get together. In fact do all of this more often, love more, care more, express more and I can assure you your journey will be a journey to remember and say as brave stories to your soon to be born child. Roja, a girl next door is now my strong lady who wants to learn French and travel the world with me and our little bundle of joy -Arti. We are just waiting for this corona to end and pack our bags.

Also, special thanks to Fertility Dost. They changed our perspective of battling infertility. If you need help, they are the best!
Book Your Free Consultation Now!

Baby dust to everyone reading this.