Yes, I had to Convince Myself Hard to Start Breastfeeding, and I am Glad I Did!

As a mother, you are expected to be happy at the birth of your child, but Navneet was different. Though, she happily enjoyed her pregnancy, the birth of her son brought up a sea of emotions which scared her so much that she decided to stay away from breastfeeding. Thankfully, she fought and conquered those emotions and now she is happily telling people about the benefits of breastfeeding. Now the mothers of two brats, Navneet Sandhu Singh is here to share her story about, breastfeeding— those moments which are so fresh even after so many years……

The ‘LITTLE ME INSIDE’ Was Not Happy On the Birth of My Son

‘Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about but the hardest thing in the world to do’…………Matt Walsh.

The statement flashed as a dark reality the moment the effect of anesthesia started fading after my first C-section delivery. Yes, 28 year old ‘grown up me’ was a MOM of a newly born baby boy. While my dizzy eyes smiled to see happiness fluttering all around, friends, family, relatives all pouring in with beaming faces, the ‘little me inside’ was anxious.

Before going to the operation theater, the ‘grown up me’ and the ‘little me inside ‘were confident, who had read a library of books and gone through hundreds of childbirth related websites and assumed that they knew all about pre and post pregnancy and could handle it easily.

Now when the long awaited day was here and the little bundle of joy was right in front of my eyes wrapped in a pretty blue, what was wrong with me? What was happening to this ‘little me inside’?

Why was I getting so scared of everything? Why holding such a tiny baby was scaring me to bits?

All through the nine months, I was happily emanating the joy of pregnancy and spreading the fragrance of how easily I could handle the new life within me.

When the bud within me had bloomed out in the real world and I could touch it, feel it, love it, but something inside me was wandering and emitting shades of unhappiness, fear, resentment and anger.

While the ‘outer me’ was smiling in response to the happy faces around, the ‘little me inside’ was struggling with emotions as if it anticipated what was about to come next.

But What If I Didn’t Want to Breastfeed My Baby?

Just a few moments passed when I was asked to perform the most dreadful task. Although,I had read about the benefits of breastfeeding in the endless reads through the nine month journey and had made up my mind about feeding my baby with my breast milk, still a cacophony of emotions struck THE LITTLE ME INSIDE. As soon as the nurse asked me to open my right breast and hold the baby’s mouth close to the nipples an array of emotions engulfed me….. What? Gosh ? Me? Now ?

The ‘little me’ blurted out with questions, can I be excused from this task, can I feed my baby on formula only, can I be given an option of not feeding him with my milk? The terrible and outrageous confusion that the ‘little me’ inside was going through was comforted by my mother.

Very calmly she said, ”it’s your baby, you have brought him in this world , you have given him life now it is you, who  has to decide what you want to give him in future”.  She reminded me of what we had read together once –

“While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best for the baby”.

That Moment When I Said Yes To Breastfeed

The ‘little me’ inside started changing its course, my affection for the baby which had developed in the past nine months now started clouding the emotions of fear and doubt. I held my baby with the feeling of love and dedication for the first time.

The little innocent eyes were now looking at me. The ‘little me inside’ now felt calmer and dedicated which brought tears along with an army of strength and courage. I promised myself that I will strive to give the best to this child of mine.

It started with ‘breastfeeding’ my baby, the first best gift which God blessed me with. I will not say it was an easy thing to start with; I did struggle with swollen, engorged breasts, cracked and bleeding nipples, a colic baby who wanted the comfort of clinging to the nipples every 45 minutes all through the night. But I overcame all these struggles, and thankfully I did!

Breastfeeding didn’t come easy to me, but I did not turn back. As days passed, I realized it was much more than a biological procedure of satisfying hunger.

Breastfeeding is like music to the soul, a story to the ears, a canvas to the artist, a caress to the body, yes it indeed is a bond between a mother and child.

Oh! how much I had read about it but actually experiencing it was one of the most beautiful moments. A bond which was just between me and my son. We two have together learnt the art of breastfeeding. I was his food factory and he the happy receiver. It was a bond which had developed by the slow simmering of warmth, dedication, sacrifice, healing, caring, closeness and love.

As the days passed and my little angel stepped into his third month, we were a happy pair. His twinkling smile when he sensed that he was about to be fed, made the whole world seem so beautiful and complete.

Breastfeeding Is Not A Choice, Its A Responsibility

Today, that little nibbling baby is about to enter his teens, but the bond that I developed while he found comfort in the abode of my arms and chest, makes me feel proud of the decision I took regarding breastfeeding.

My advice for all the young mothers of today- God has blessed you with this unique gift, go ahead with it and nurture your young one.

Let not the fear and pain weaken you at anytime. Just make a promise with the mother residing inside the young,  independent, ambitious  strong woman of today that ‘you are a mom who will give the best to your child as the child is the best thing that happened to you’

This 39 year old mother of two brats, Navneet is an example of a woman who enjoys the daily chores of motherhood along with passionately pursuing her profession as an architect, interior designer and a social activist. Married to an olive green, she loves to travel, explore and research architectural history of places. Presently, residing in Sikkim, she aims to document the various aspects of the land of monasteries. Her motto of life-“Live young, live free, live life”.